A FATHER’S TEACHING
Proverbs 3: 1-12; Galatians 5: 16-23
Today, I want to lift up two passages for dads who are here
today. One is the teaching of Solomon in Proverbs that literally begins with
the address, “My son.” It was sage advice to young men. The other is the
enlightened verse that Paul shared in his letter to the Galatians. I am father to three, and they are all here
today. I am the product of my own
father, with all of his strengths and weaknesses. But I have chosen, through
prayer, counseling, and determination, to offer more fruit of the Spirit than
just came naturally and the more I strive for it, the better I get at it. And
those around me have benefited. I suspect that those around you have benefited
when you have exuded one or more of the following qualities and that they have
been hurt by a lack of any of them. Let’s look at Paul’s list from Galatians.
First is love, not conditional
love that holds money or privileges over one’s head with coercion, but love
that shows you care about the well-being of others. Is that the way you love?
Do you try to be a blessing to those around you? I do; and I fail at it on some
days as you do. But I learn from my mistakes and am making progress. How are
you doing? Rather than answering for yourself, ask your wife or children if you
want an honest answer. Then decide if you have the wisdom and willingness to
learn and change or if you will stay stubborn or defensive. We can all be
better fathers. Next is joy. When I begin to work on joy, I intentionally
try to undue the scowl that my face makes with a furrowed brow, and to remember
and name the support systems around me so I can lighten up and laugh. Perhaps,
on the other hand, that you have so much joy that you’ve chucked responsibility
out the window. Then you need to find a different balance! But I know you can
ask your children or your wife about how you’re doing, or instead you can
become defensive and lash out. We can all be better fathers. Next is peace.
I am a very content man; when my head hits the pillow my exhaustion is real
and, except for certain times, my mind can rest. I rarely remember dreams but I know God helps
me solve problems when I sleep. I find if I can’t forgive someone I have
trouble sustaining peace so I always work on forgiving others. What about you?
Do you have peace? Or, with stomach pains, chest pains, or headaches is
distress the name of your daily game? Children suffer with you and because of
you, even if they seem to cause some of it.
Good counseling has helped me sort out such issues; it can work for you too
if you are willing. There is a phone number for our counseling center in the
bulletin if you need it. We can all be better fathers.
The next one is patience: I have really worked on
this one; I don’t come by it naturally but I see what impatience looks like in
others and I don’t like what I see. When
I give in to impatience, I do things I later regret. Therefore I seek not to
cause a stir in restaurants anymore for slow service or to cause trouble in
slow checkout lines. O confess I have done both before! The rest of those days
my whole being was knotted up. That is one of my growing edges, but I think I
am better at it than before. My wife and children are here to ask if they
agree. Next is kindness, something I
have tried to exhibit throughout life, but it may not be your natural
personality. You can try to be sour to coerce people or try being sweet to
endear yourself to them. You decide what makes you a better father. Generosity brings other people joy
so it blesses me as I am generous. I don’t want it to be expected or taken for
granted any more than you do. But being generous also brings me joy. As a side note, I am most aware
that generous people in this church have made ministry here a privilege instead
of a burden. And generosity’s not all about money. Generous listeners and encouragers
also make a huge difference in the lives of others. Get help, if you need it,
on how to be a better father. Most men’s main guide for fatherhood is or was
their own father. But God wants you to be the best YOU can be. How can you
be the best father to your children, with the two edged sword of discipline
and grace in your parenting? Good parents create good children; good children
usually grow up to be good citizens; and good Christian children often grow up
to be good disciples of Jesus.
Faithfulness is the next fruit of the Spirit of God; it is what I try to
be with my family and my work, and over the years I have learned its importance
even more than when I was younger. Faithfulness is so crucial. Broken trust
with those you love is often a deal breaker. It takes genuine remorse and a
willingness to be tested over time before your family has faith in you again.
If you have broken someone’s trust, in your heart of hearts, men, you will lose
joy, peace, and most of the other fruits of the Spirit. But with true humility
and a willingness to repent, you can model mature Christian forgiveness for
your children. Of course instead, you can get defensive or blame another
person: both are terrible examples for your children to see how a Godly man
handles his failures. But the choice is yours.
Two more: one is gentleness. As a father, it is an authentic way of
presenting oneself without being scary to children. Earned respect from our children
is good, but it is not gained by causing terror or exhibiting rage. Consider
how overpowering you may appear to a young child. In taking my role seriously
as a father and as a role model for children in church, I am aware of how I
come across. I have been frightened by shouting preachers when I was a child
and decided that a welcoming spirit is better than a threatening one. You
decide what temperament God wants for you. Finally, I have learned the value of self
control. Losing control, losing one’s temper, is a choice, and a
uniformly bad one, according to Dr. Greg Baer, author of the best selling book
REAL LOVE. He goes on to say that as long as we believe the old lie that
someone or something made us mad, we refuse to see anger as a choice, which it
is. “When we’re angry, we become unloving and blind, trying to control other
people, and we make our own happiness impossible.” [REAL LOVE for Wise Men and
Women,
The Apostle Paul, a faithful Jew in his early life, would
certainly have known some of the Wisdom sayings of Solomon. The Good News Bible
translates Proverbs 3 this way: “Son, don’t forget what I teach you. Always
remember what I tell you to do. Never let go of loyalty and faithfulness …then
God and others will be pleased with you. Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
not relying just on what you think you know.
In all you do, acknowledge the Lord, and he will make straight your
paths.” Paul was not writing as a father
in his letter to the Galatians; but he was
writing to people who were tempted by a world that practiced fornication, impurity,
idolatry, and sorcery; that exhibited jealousy, anger, and drunkenness. Our
world has the same dark habits. He told how differently they would act if they
were filled with God’s Spirit and had Jesus in their hearts. It was a striking contrast. For all who are gathered here, but
particularly today for the men: our
children need mentors in large part because there are too many absent or ill
equipped fathers who don’t parent in healthy and supportive ways. It is said that men fail to ask for directions,
and that stubbornness is often our demise.
As we sought to teach your children this week, let me remind all who are
here today: when you get dressed each morning: as you put on your shirt, put on
the breastplate of righteousness, asking God to protect you and guide you into
making right choices. Make a point to have a Bible on your bedside table and
put your hand on it each morning, asking the Lord to put his Word in your
heart. When you put on your belt,
consider it to be the belt of truth, reminding you not to lie, cheat, or steal:
little eyes, grown up eyes, and Heavenly eyes are watching. As you comb your
hair or put on a hat if you wear one, put on the helmet of salvation, showing
others by your wise decisions that, “As for me and my house, we will serve the
Lord.” And finally, as you put on your shoes, don the shoes of the gospel of peace.
Then see if what you do in a day creates a sea of calm as you pass through it
hour after hour, or if it creates a wake of turbulence caused by anger,
sarcasm, or impatience. Today is the
first day of the rest of your life. I want God to help me live differently.
What about you? Let me close with the
classic prayer of St. Francis that has helped me over the years:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there
is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there
is injury, pardon;
Where there
is doubt, faith;
Where there
is despair, hope;
Where there
is darkness, joy.
O Divine
Master,
Grant that I
may not so much seek to be consoled
As to
console;
To be
understood as to understand;
To be loved
as to love;
For it is in
giving that we receive;
It is in
pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in
dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.
Jeffrey A. Sumner