BEFORE JUDGE JUDY

Matthew 18: 15-20

Society has always needed ways to deal with conflict. From caveman days of fight or flight (instincts that are still in each one of us), to the rules that Jesus adapted from Torah teachings in our text today that referenced Deuteronomy 19:15 and Leviticus 19: 17-18, to corporate conflict specialists, to television judges like Judy, to small claims court, civil courts, and criminal courts: people have always sought to negotiate settlements from conflicts. The plots of most dramatic, even comedic television shows, like great Shakespeare plays, present a situation, then introduce a conflict or a conflictor, then resolve the conflict either peacefully or tragically, and then return to life more wise, more hurt, or more victorious. The watching of a football game initiates conflict, even though it is politely called competition; watching your children on a soccer field or in a swim meet can initiate conflict; political conventions can initiate conflict; neighbors can bring conflicts against neighbors over property lines, paint colors, or infractions that go against the codes of the community. Finally, in a less than exhaustive list, churches can have conflicts. There is an entire organization whose mission it is to assist churches when they get in conflict or off track. In his book called LEADERSHIP AND CONFLICT, the director, with the unusual name of Speed Leas, included these words in the introduction written by church administration expert Lyle Schaller: “Conflict may be the most widespread inhibiting factor in Western society today. Every business leader recognizes that internal conflict is inhibiting the progress of the organization. Governmental leaders realize that the conflicts over goals and priorities … reduce productivity. The principal of the local high school spends many hours every month attempting to resolve conflict. On any given day in perhaps three-quarters of all churches the ministry of that congregation is reduced significantly as a result of nonproductive conflict. And when asked about desired improvements in their leadership skills, a substantial majority of business executives, educational leaders, government officials, pastors, military officers, labor leaders, and [community volunteers] lift up skills in conflict management as a high priority. While some will argue that leadership is a God-given talent, Speed Leas makes it very clear that skills in conflict resolution can be identified, taught, and learned.” [Forward]

When Moses was settling every squabble, from the biggest to the smallest in Exodus 18, his father-in-law, Jethro, saw it and put a stop to it. “What are you doing? You’re going to burn out trying to do this. Select wise people from those you know to settle the smaller disputes; then you deal with the biggest ones.” And that was even before the later rules were written in Leviticus that were the basis of Jesus’ words in Matthew. People have always sought ways of resolution; they still do.

I know of a church that settles its conflicts between church people following Matthew 18 literally. They leave it to the judgment of the hurt one that his brother sinned against him; second, the hurt one tells the sinner his fault. (I’m using the word “brother” since this church’s rules don’t mention sisters!) If the sinner listens to you, his brotherhood is restored. If he doesn’t listen to you, you take other people to corroborate what you each say and do. Assuming that those people agree with you and not with him, if you then get him to agree, your conflict is resolved. If you don’t, you bring him in front of the church, and they’ll tell him to admit he is wrong (assuming that they agree that he is!) If he doesn’t admit he’s wrong, then his membership to that congregation is revoked.” And so it goes. Our own Book of Order has, for such purposes as church conflicts, what are called “Rules of Discipline,” and I was once in a church that had to remove an unrepentant member and call on police support to keep him away on Sunday mornings. But no one wants conflicts to get to that, the worse kind of conflict; the intractable conflict.

The way to resolve a conflict according to Jesus is one good way; I suspect that Jesus would have little issue with other methods of conflict resolution either. Conflict was apparent with the Corinthians, the Galatians, and other early Christian groups. Some in churches are so innocent that they think that people who love Jesus shouldn’t have conflicts. But people who love someone, or some ideal, have a passion for that person or viewpoint; emotions and differences of opinion may be valid or petty, may be self serving or malicious, or simply may be the well-meaning differences between to persons.

The late Dr. Dan Taylor, founder of our Presbyterian Counseling Center, spent a day helping pastors learn the types of conflict, the levels of conflict, and the styles of dealing with conflict. They were well thought out and Spirit led. The idea that the Spirit of our Lord never leaves us, observes us, and is present with us, I think, is what’s behind Jesus saying in Matthew 18:20: “Remember, where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” He says he was watching them, and he says he is watching us too. Which of our actions make a tear run down his bearded cheek? Which of our actions make a broad smile part his lips and twinkle his eyes? Sometimes we must weigh how far we should take each situation where horns get locked, heads get butted, and feeling get hurt. One of my colleagues uses this rule of thumb: “Before I decide to fight, I ask myself two things: First, am I willing to go to the cross for this issue? And second, I remember that I can’t go to the cross over everything. I think: ‘Is this conflict one of those that Jesus would encourage me to win? Is he honored if I fight?’

Jesus is among us now, even when two or three of you (or of us): throw down gauntlets, dig in heals, fold arms, become red-faced and spew, or become silent and calculating. Jesus is watching … and making notes … and hoping that, since we want to bear the title “Christian,” we will act like him, and not make him ashamed of our words or actions.

At the end of this service our group hymn is a prayer: “Lord I want to be a Christian, Lord I want to be more loving, Lord I want to be more holy; and Lord be like Jesus.” How far away, or how close, are you to that? Make changes even now before you commune with Jesus, and go forth to make him glad to have been invited into you heart.

Jeffrey A. Sumner September 7, 2008